“A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are.” – Richard Bach
It was the last month of last year when I had that “kilig” feeling. After being into so much pain of the ‘almost forever’ break-up, after meeting and talking with different guys just to have someone who cares again, who checks if you had eaten yet, who texts/chats you goodmorning and goodnight.. It was the last month of last year, when I opened my heart again to someone I did not even think of I will love the way I am loving him right now. I did not even pictured these things to happen and be felt, and that’s just makes it right. Unplanned things such as these, meeting him, being with him, knowing him, his friends and family.. I can’t thank the Lord enough.
So, again, it was the last month of last year, when we started chatting each other talking like the usual, flirting each other, until the first month of 2018 came when we decided to go out on a date. Official date. This is where we started
January 21 came, it was his first time at my home, and this was our 3rd consecutive Sunday of seeing each other outside work. This is when he confessed that he loves me as he whispered “I love you” so sweet in my ears. It was so sudden, I am emotionally high as well that time so I said yes. After 2 days, I told him I can’t do it. Us being together, cause I am unsure of everything since I think we were rushing things. And we agreed that we will be casual with each other like nothing “us” happened. After a few days, he sent me chat again “Hoy” I was that time with my office friends and was talking about him since I felt like guilty and sad. And the marupok me strike that time, I replied.. and the rest was history. January 28, we tried it again, and this time we held on to each other. At first, it was all in cloud9. So high in love. Feels like everyone around us is in favor of the new love affair that just started in teasing. Just like how everyone felt the kilig as well when I am sharing to everyone how we made our first Chinese date, our valentines date, etc.
‘Til our 4th month came when the ‘darkness’ inside me insisted. This is very usual for me to happen, when the love is starting to blossom, there is in me that feels confused and afraid. And so I thought of space.. and this is where I knew this man does not know how to give up. Right after telling to him the space thing, he immediately went for a ride from their residence to mine. That night after, he won me back again. I told myself “I can’t lose this guy” though I know that time that I am not inlove with him the way he loves me. Like I love him, really, it’s just I know he loves me more.
We now celebrate Mother’s day with each other’s families, birthdays, family birthdays and reunions and some other occasions. We’ve been consistently seeing each other every weekend and him being consistent every Sunday (just failed one because he was really sick) even up to this date. But our love for each other is being tested, and up to this date it is. We had our 3rd fight (but this fight was not us battling each other about each other’s indifferences) but to date, this fight was a battle for our love with each other and the same feeling and statement I told myself “I can’t lose this guy”
Lorenz, I might not write you a lot in my blog, but please know that I love you. So much that even though it is too early to say, I really want to be with you til the end. Thank you for bringing out the best in me, for pushing me, for encouraging me, for making me feel loved like I never had one before.. thank you for everything. I will never be tired of loving you and I hope I was able to love you like the way you love me, though I know I can’t overpower your love because it is so so much! Every battle we had, challenges, hardships.. these are worthwhile, I believe the Lord blesses us and is always will. Thank you for bringing me again closer to God. Thank you for praying for me, my family and our relationship. I pray the same too.
I love you.. and I assure you I will take care of you and your heart. ;winkwink